Can a woman be the head of a family?

There is usually the member of the family as a husband, wife, and children and a family consisting of the husband and wife's siblings and their parents and other members called "the extended Family".

The Fifth Rwanda Population and Housing Census [RPHC5] conducted in August (08) 2022 by the National Institute of Statistics of Rwanda [NISR], shows that Rwanda is inhabited by 6,817,068 females, equal to 51.5% of 13.2 million Rwandans.

It also shows that of 100 female resident population aged 12 and above, 20 are household heads, while males of the same age are 55.

Those who have these responsibilities are everywhere in the country, especially in the countryside, where the female household headship rate in Huye District is 24.4%, and the Southern Province also has a large number of women who have households at the rate of 22.1 %. In general, out of 100 Females, 52 live in rural areas, and fewer live in urban areas than males.

It shows that the household headship rate (HHR) among females continuously increases with age from 15 years up to 85 years. It stabilizes for males from age 40 after a steady increase. In older ages, Being the household headship among females is mainly because women live longer than men, and to the higher proportion of widowed females in the population. But at all ages, males dominate as heads of households.

When did the woman become the head of the household?

A man from Nyanza District told INGERI Media that “the head of the family can be a woman or a man. In other words, first of all, the responsibility of the family is the man, but it becomes the woman when the man is dead!"

The old woman also said: “there is someone who represents the household. When the husband dies, the woman becomes the head of the house, she is the representative because the husband is dead!"

At this point, I wondered if a woman could not be the head of the house, even if her husband was still alive, but an old woman said “Never! When a man is alive, they complete each other.

Another young woman told INGERI "I am the head of the family." He even believes that when a woman leads a family it helps her to be developed!

"Being a woman who is the head of the family will help us in our development. When your husband leaves, you will be the head of the family and take care of the children you're left with, then God will help you, You and your children help each other," She said.

“But when the man left, the woman struggles to move forward so that she does not go back because her partner is no longer there. Then you search, go to the save groups, to the social communities...wherever you buy the property. Everything happens, it depends on the woman, the head of household, " another woman added.

When the man was still alive, one man said: "Even if she did all these things, she would not be called the head of the family, maybe she would be called someone who supports her man and they share their ideas, but it does not mean that she should immediately become the head of the family."

Like many others we spoke to, they all felt the same way. They say that no matter how well-intentioned and capable a woman is, she is considered a man's supporter. Otherwise, she is considered an arrogant, complicated woman (...), and other names that minimize her and make some of them afraid to show their capabilities.

What history and the law say about it

Nsanzabagwana Straton; a retired civil servant in parliament and expert on Rwandan culture [he has still been a lawyer,] insists that in the history of Rwanda, before the 1960s, the head of the family was a man, called " Household leadership".

“When they reached the house and asked where the owner of the house was, No one thought of the woman of that house... They thought of the man of that house, he was the one who spoke for the house, he was the one who presented the house in various situations whether it was good or bad... he was the head of the house," he said.

"unless it was a ruling widow or someone with other authority that one does not know for sure. But before the 1960s, the man was the head of the household. At that time, even the decisions that were made were attributed to the man," he added.

From 1960 to 1994, there was a change and a big change after 1994. It's just that from all those years until now, there was a so-called "strong family" that was characterized by complitement between husband and wife.

 “So that's where the home was built as a rock. When there is a conflict, it is when the man makes decisions when he is drunk or in the middle of the night, without consulting the woman. But at that early time, they also said that a person who was good to a woman could be given a gift before the person being good to a man! Happened in the house where a man and woman advised each other, but officially they said that the house belongs to the man, " NSANZABAGANWA said.

After the 1960s, the idea of ​​development came when people went to school and young men and women fell in love with each other and lived together without their parents' involvement.

 " In 1960, people had already learned, when the white people came when the priests and pastors came, it seems they already said that the child is equal. A certain girl learned, taught, and built a house for her parents, and now they came to them for dowry. Her father did not give her to Boy's parents as he could done it before the 60's, he said.

"When the girl started to increase her value, the more she did while at home, then it would be increased when she got married. If she is married to her fellow teacher, then they will have equal rights but it is said that the man is the owner of the house," he added.

NSANZABAGANWA said that after the law that gave all children the same value, it took another step after 1994.

"where they have established a law that said that even a married or unmarried girl child has the right to her father's properties. So that's when the 1995 law came into being which says that people who are going to get married can put together their property, put together the property gained after getting married, and they can't put together their property. Then they said that a woman and a man have equal rights to their property. Then comes this cut-off site and they call both to register their site 50%, 50%! Be equal, he insisted.

This was confirmed by the 2003 National Constitution, which was revised in 2015, and gave women the right to go to all decision-making positions.

Just wondering if a woman proves that she is capable, why shouldn't she be the head of the household!?

Here, Straton NSANZABAGAGWANA said “Even the head of the house! it's over though! don't you know?! now in this third part of Rwandan history, in the law, they said that everyone is the owner of the house, even if there is one who has more power of thoughts and actions than the other, s/he is the one who carries the spear of the house."

"In that time, when a woman behaved like that, they said that a man is a coward, or a woman is arrogant, but now no one can say that," he added.

He said that those who believe that the wife becomes the head of the household when the husband is no longer, there do not know what the law says about it.

“These are those who are not familiar with the current laws or do not know where the situation is at this moment. At this point, when you are with your wife and you make a decision together, sometimes she may be better than you and that's what you go with," he added.

"so a woman can lead the house but they often say that she is the head of the house when the husband is dead, it's because we have still had the Kinyarwanda mentality that there is the owner of the house. Then they say that one is the heart of the house, and the other is the head of the house. It is Kinyarwanda ideas that we inherited from our ancestors," he said.

"But nowadays, looking at where things are going, we understand that everyone has the responsibility to clean up their home, maybe you get an idea first and pass it on to your partner, then they all work for it, work together to develop it, and both of them follow it, even if in their relationships at home, and with others. In raising their children, they cooperate and complement each other, there is no conflict."

Besides this, he said that the way God created man and woman was to complement each other. “Why did you create them differently? it's because He saw that there was a duty that one would do and another would do the other. But those responsibilities will come together to make a great home.”

"That fight for the supremacy of the family is like if you go to the football team of five prayers then you want to fight for the ball and in the same team. That's when you lose.”

Only some men believe that giving responsibility to a woman as head of the family will help her to increase her ability to think broadly because she is thinking about the family. They said that the mindsets of men should change, and women should be given these responsibilities and complement should be maintained in the family, especially since a woman is considered more capable of managing the home than a man.

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